Borderline Personality Disorder: A Day in Maria’s Life

In this episode, Brandon asks Maria a series of questions to uncover what a day in the life of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is like.

Questions & Answers About BPD

Q: What are some of the things about BPD that commonly cause issues, either socially or personally?

A: Extreme emotions over seemingly insignificant things; uncontrollable anger, at times; when younger, got into a lot of fights; lack of fear; good in emergencies; tendency to handle stress well; resilient; intense; passionate; loud; outspoken; blunt; compelled to be honest and tell the truth

Q: One of the most common signs is fear of abandonment—do you feel that at all?

A: More like a fear of being alone for me.

Q: What does BPD feel like?

A: Heart races, blood pressure soars; can’t sleep; can’t eat; obsessive; pre-occupied with dying and hurting myself; heightened sense of arousal; adrenaline rush

Q: Is chronic emptiness something you’ve dealt with?

A: It’s more like: No one understands and no one will ever know what I’m going through, and I’m alone.

Q: What does a typical social engagement, like a happy hour, look like? Do you have any special concerns or precautions?

A: I have a lot of fun; tend to be the center of attention; love social situations and thrive in that environment; tend to dominate conversations and need to slow down sometimes; can butt heads with certain people

Q: How does BPD affect your closer relationships?

A: Hard for me to express love sometimes; mood swings; I need a lot of good communication to function positively

Q: What has treatment looked like for you?

A: Talking things out; therapy; running and exercise

Q: What are some of the most important things you’ve learned in therapy that helped you?

A: You can’t control anything but yourself. (Cheesy, but true.)

Movies Related to BPD

  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • Fatal Attraction
  • Girl, Interrupted
  • Prozac Nation
  • Silver Linings Playbook
  • Thirteen
  • Uncut Gems
  • Welcome to Me

Quotes About BPD

M: When I get really down about things that are affecting me, one of the mantras in my head is: I just wish someone could see how much I’m hurt.

M: I have a lot of anger, and when I’m angry—I get angry. Everyone knows I’m angry. There’s no silence about me whatsoever. I’m very passionate, and sometimes that can cause issues.  

M: I don’t think I’m scared of many things—I can’t imagine having an emergency situation and not being able to act and be rational in that moment. 

M: It’s very hard for me to fake something, so if I don’t like you, it’s not going to be hard for you to figure it out.

M: Being okay with being alone is really how I’ve dealt with my feelings. If I had to characterize my entire life, I’d say it’s that I’m scared I’m going to be alone. 

M: It’s constant pressure, like a boiling point—I’m boiling over the edge and it’s an at-any-time-I-can-blow kind of thing.  

M: I obsess over “when am I going to be able to end this?” I start planning how I’m going to kill myself, because the only way I’m going to escape this feeling is if I can just end it—that’s how I feel in that moment; there’s nothing else that can ever stop it.

M: I just need to hurt myself on the outside so that people can understand how badly I am hurt inside. 

M: I really think that one of the things I need to do is to talk it out. If I can’t do that, I’m just going to get angrier and angrier, and it’s going to become an issue.

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