Vacation Minisode (in which Brandon asks Royal Caribbean to host a cat wedding)

Maria is just getting back from vacation. Brandon has pneumonia (again). So Brandon tells Maria (and you) the story of when he wrote Royal Caribbean cruiseline asking them to host a formal cat wedding. Complete correspondence below.


Dear Royal Caribbean,

I was hoping Royal Caribbean would be able to accommodate my family for a very special event. I would like to host a formal wedding for my cats, Zooey Glass and Francesca Rosaline Alexandria Gregory III. Franny is a Ragdoll/Himalayan mix that we adopted in 2006 and Zooey is a Snowshoe that we adopted in 2007. They’ve become quite close over the years and we think it’s time to make this official. If it’s a matter of money, don’t worry–we can pay for their stateroom. Do you have special services for honeymooners? They would mostly stay in their stateroom, although they would likely attend dinner in the dining room with the rest of us. (Don’t worry–we will ensure that the dress code is adhered to!) Is this something you can accommodate? Thank you for your response!

Brandon Gregory


Dear Mr. Gregory:

Thank you for your email. Please accept our apologies for the extended delay in our response. More customers than ever before are choosing the convenience of email as their primary mode of communication. As a result, the turnaround time for responses has increased. Acknowledging that this delay is unacceptable regardless of cause, we hope you will accept our regrets, and believe that this is not indicative of our normal operations. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

We are truly honored that you have considered Royal Caribbean International to help facilitate a wedding for your cats. Regrettably, Royal Caribbean International does not allow pets onboard its ships, with the exception of certified service animals. We apologize for any disappointment this may cause.

As a Gold member with our Crown & Anchor Society, we value your loyalty and appreciate this opportunity to respond to your inquiry. The Crown & Anchor Society was created to show how much we appreciate you by offering recognition programs, members-only benefits, and valued rewards. To view a complete list of member benefits available to you please visit: http://www.royalcaribbean.com/cas/benefitsLoggedout.do.

Mr. Gregory, thank you for choosing Royal Caribbean International. We are eager to show you the personalized Gold Anchor Standard service that keeps our guests loyal to Royal Caribbean International, and we look forward to sharing millions of wonderful memories to come.

Sincerely,

[name redacted]
Customer Service Representative


Dear Royal Caribbean,

This is fantastic news, as both Franny and Zooey are certified service animals! I have mobility issues and am deathly allergic to mice. The cats have kept me safe on a number of occasions. The cats unfortunately don’t qualify as service animals by American standards, but we were able to get them certified in South Africa. Does this count? I’m also teaching them how to count and identify loose papers. I might be able to get them American-certified in time for the wedding. Do you offer any drink packages to honeymooning service animals? Thank you for your response!

Brandon Gregory


Dear Mr. Gregory:

Thank you for your email. Please accept our apologies for the extended delay in our response.

For cruising purposes, a service animal is defined as any dog that is individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of a person with a disability. Animals that do not meet this definition, such as service dogs in training, emotional support dogs and animals other than dogs, may be accepted only with pre-cruise approval. Because the animals in question are not dogs, approval must be granted in advance by our Access Department to allow them to sail. To submit your service animal request, please contact our Access Department by phone at [phone number redacted]. Notice should be given no later than 60 days prior to the sailing date.

Please note, due to strict United Kingdom regulations, service dogs are not permitted on cruises to the United Kingdom, with the exception of the Independence of the Seas’ sailings.

Kindly note that guests are responsible for obtaining all documents required for service dogs to depart the ship in non-United States ports. A copy of these documents must be carried on the ship, and the copy must be left with Guest Relations Desk upon boarding.

Unfortunately, although we offer a variety of beverage packages, they are limited to humans only. We apologize for any disappointment this answer may cause.

We look forward to welcoming you aboard soon. Whether you are interested in Caribbean beaches, Alaskan glaciers, European history, or the beautiful landscapes of Asia, Royal Caribbean International can take you there, with world-class entertainment, delicious food, and exciting onboard activities. We invite you to sail with us on the Oasis of the Seas or the Allure of the Seas, which both include a living garden, onboard zip line, the FlowRider Surf Simulator, and more. We also encourage you to consider our newest ships, the Quantum of the Seas and the Anthem of the Seas, featuring the RipCord by iFly skydiving simulator and the North Star, which allows guests spectacular views above the ship and over the ocean.

Mr. Gregory, thank you for choosing Royal Caribbean International.

Sincerely,

[name redacted]
Customer Service Representative


For the record, aside from not hosting cat weddings, Royal Caribbean has been pretty awesome.

We will resume next episode with our typical format of talking about movies, maladies, and mental health with the movie Network.

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